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The Mystery of the Flowers: A Conversation on Foreign Flora

  • Writer: Baye McNeil
    Baye McNeil
  • May 18
  • 5 min read

Updated: 15 minutes ago


This morning, while taking out the trash, I noticed some pretty flowers in our front yard. They had just sprung up out of nowhere. I called my wife, Miki, who was in the kitchen, to come out and see this beautiful array.


The Unexpected Bloom


The flowers were a lovely peachy tangerine color, resembling Poppies. They were truly charming.


Suddenly, Miki appeared in the doorway, flanked by our two feline sentinels.


Me: What’s not to like? They're beautiful!


Miki: They are not Japanese.


Me: What the hell are you talking about? Are you saying they’re not from Japan?


Miki: Exactly! They pop up all over the place, anywhere, like—


I anticipated her next words, but she hesitated.


Me: Are you serious? They're just flowers!


Miki: Like COVID. Yeah! They are like a virus.


Me: A virus?! They're just flowers. Geez.


Miki: I know, but 気持ち悪い (They creep me out!)


Me: Why? Are they weeds or something?


Miki: No, they came from another country.


Me: And??? (I snapped, thinking, "Hey, so do I!")


Miki: Remember when China was sending those strange seeds in the mail?


The Seed Conundrum


Me: Yeah, of course! That freaked me out when we got those things!


Miki: Exactly!


Miki gave me her ほら (Enough said) face.


Me: Please tell me you’re kidding. You're starting to spook me.


Miki: I'm not kidding!


Me: I know. That's the spooky part.


Miki smirked at me.


Me: Miki, my love. Look at them. They’re harmless!


Miki: How do you know?


Me: They're just flowers, that’s how I know!



Miki: I know, but where did they come from? ね?! Why are they here? ね?! What do they want? ね?! (You tell me, you know so much!)


She stressed her last "ね." Over time, I've come to understand Miki's "ね"s. It's a Japanese expression that can convey various meanings, and others seem to know what's intended.


Me: What do they want??? Do you even hear yourself? Lord help me, I married a maniac!


She clicked her tongue in exasperation, startling our cats, Fu and Drew. They scrambled away from her in a panic.


The Invasion Theory


Miki: You don't know. お前は馬鹿外人だから絶対知らないだ (Because you’re an ignorant foreigner who will never understand Japan or Japanese!)


Me: Whatever! They aren't pests; they're just plants. This isn’t an infestation! And it isn't Invasion of the Body Snatchers! These are NOT alien pods. They're probably Poppies.


Miki: YES! That’s the word!


Me: What? Poppies?


Miki: No, Invasion!


Suddenly, I grasped what Charlie Brown means when he exclaims, “Good grief.”


Me: Good grief!


Miki: It’s true! They’ve invaded Japan. They’re everywhere! I saw it on the Internet!


Me: Oh, you saw it on the Internet? Why didn’t you say so in the first place?


To me, saying she saw it on Japanese social media is as credible as saying I read it in the New Yorker or heard it on NPR.


Miki: Are you making a joke? Because I’m not joking!


Me: What about those purple flowers in front of the temple? Are they invaders too? They just appeared out of nowhere, didn’t they?


Purple flowers
Purple flowers

Miki scanned the flowers.


Miki: Yeah, but those are Japanese wildflowers! They are beautiful!


Me: Ah ha! So let me see if I understand: These beautiful flowers in our yard make you uncomfortable because they're foreign, and those purple flowers are okay because they’re Japanese?


Miki: Well, now that you put it that way, I see why you're making that face.


Me: What face?


Miki: That face! Your "these goddamn Japanese!" face!


I laughed hard. Do I have a face that screams “These Goddamn Japanese”? That would actually explain a lot!


A Cultural Misunderstanding


Me: Don’t flip this. This is about you, not me.


Miki: These flowers make me uncomfortable, you're right. But you want to turn it into me being racist against flowers.


Me: I’m not saying that! I’m just saying—


Miki: Huh? What? Are you saying you’re not saying? Speak English!


I realized I’d gone full Brooklyn on her.


Me: What I’m saying is, I’m not judging you. You don’t like these flowers, and you have your reasons. Fine. I might not agree with them, but that’s my issue.


Miki: Yes, that IS your problem!


Me: I know we’re talking about flowers, not people. Therefore, it’s clear you don’t feel that way about people. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be married to this foreign flower, right?


I winked while pointing at my nose.


Miki: Whatever.


Me: I thought Japanese people were supposed to be tree huggers! What is this?


Miki was set to protest, realizing I was joking because I'd never refer to Japanese people as “you people.” Her smile broke through, followed by a funky harangue in her Gifu-ben (hometown dialect), which I couldn't quite catch.



I felt a kinship with Lucy Ricardo when Ricky gets angry and goes full Havana on her. I felt a warm glow, recalling the comedy's similarities to my relationship with Miki.


For a moment, I imagined Miki and me with our own TV show.



Wouldn’t that be something?


Miki: What are you grinning at?


Me: Nothing.


Miki: うそつき (I see right through you)!


I hope you enjoyed this excerpt from "Words by Baye, Art by Miki". Japan has never been captured in more of its glory! It's my best work to date and an absolute must-read for all! Get yours here.



PS: I fed AI this story and asked if it could extract from it images that capture the story compellingly. Below are some of the results I decided to share with you.


Talk about a traditional house...that's going a bit too far! I dig Japan but not that THAT much. And those flowers, wow! I'd have to agree with Miki: These are scouts for some kind of invasion force (from China no doubt!, let Miki tell it)
Talk about a traditional house...that's going a bit too far! I dig Japan but not that THAT much. And those flowers, wow! I'd have to agree with Miki: These are scouts for some kind of invasion force (from China no doubt!, let Miki tell it)

Hey, Look At The Beautiful Flowers!! Hana Otaku apparently. But this one ain't bad.
Hey, Look At The Beautiful Flowers!! Hana Otaku apparently. But this one ain't bad.

Ummmm...I think I'd have better things to do than flower viewing if Miki came to the door looking like that! lol Seriously though, after I finished puking at the size of these flowers I would call Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones...and beg them to flashy-thing me after they finish killing them off to erase this image from my mind!
Ummmm...I think I'd have better things to do than flower viewing if Miki came to the door looking like that! lol Seriously though, after I finished puking at the size of these flowers I would call Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones...and beg them to flashy-thing me after they finish killing them off to erase this image from my mind!

I'm gonna use all six of my fingers to karate-chop these things while you and your stereotypical kimono and your weird cats watch!
I'm gonna use all six of my fingers to karate-chop these things while you and your stereotypical kimono and your weird cats watch!

Look what God has wrought!!
Look what God has wrought!!

Stereotype much, Mr. AI? Angry black man (fist balled no less) versus his kimono clad wife. I wonder if AI picked up on some unintentional hostility I have DEEP inside of me lol And is that the Fu-chan speaking gibberish too?
Stereotype much, Mr. AI? Angry black man (fist balled no less) versus his kimono clad wife. I wonder if AI picked up on some unintentional hostility I have DEEP inside of me lol And is that the Fu-chan speaking gibberish too?

I thought he was on his knees proposing at first. Then I thought maybe she was standing on a dais, or a ladder? lol Or maybe AI was just making a joke...
I thought he was on his knees proposing at first. Then I thought maybe she was standing on a dais, or a ladder? lol Or maybe AI was just making a joke...

 
 
 

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